Some get started with cohabitation quickly after giving birth, but for many it takes time. Having a child is a big adjustment and it is not at all unusual that your sex life is different than before.

There is no set time limit for when it is okay to have sex after giving birth. It is up to you and your partner to decide together when you want to resume your sex and cohabitation – sex must feel okay for both of you.

As someone who has given birth to a child, you may have tears and if you are breastfeeding, it is not uncommon for the mucous membrane in your vagina to feel sensitive. The female sex hormone oestrogen contributes to desire and increases blood flow in the mucous membranes. Oestrogen levels drop during breastfeeding and it is therefore not surprising if you experience reduced desire or dry mucous membranes in your vagina. This can make intercourse not feel like it did before. If you have lochia, you should use a condom to reduce the risk of infection, regardless of whether you gave birth vaginally or C-section.

Desire can also sometimes vary within your relationship. It is important to communicate about desire and desire for physical closeness and sex. It’s easy to feel rejected and to blame yourself. Perhaps the lack of desire is due to a lack of alone time, sleep or the feeling of never having your body to yourself while your child is a toddler. Explain to your partner why you would like to have more, or less, sex and physical intimacy. Try to be sensitive – confirming and showing respect for each other’s feelings is important. The toddler years can be intense, but there will come a time when you as parents will have more time for each other.