Going through a miscarriage is both physically and mentally stressful and it’s okay that it might take time for you to recover afterwards. There are no rules for how to grieve or process a miscarriage.

Allow yourself to grieve (both by yourself and with your partner if you have one)
Miscarriage something to grieve and it’s okay to be sad and grieve. There are often many things we are upset about. So, try to put into words and explain how you are feeling to give yourself the opportunity to finish grieving. If you have a partner, then it is a joint loss. Take time to grieve together, share how you are feeling, be honest, cry, hold each other and above all listen.

Take a time out!
Allow yourself time and space to go through your thoughts and feelings and to recover both physically and mentally. This is important! Only you know when you are ready to move on, so listen carefully to what your heart is telling you.

It’s OK to say no!
You don’t have to be strong, grit your teeth, smile and pretend that everything is fine when around others. This will often just make it even harder to deal with. If you think that a certain social event or occasion will mean more stress and worsen your mood, then it’s perfectly OK to say no! If you still want to go, there are strategies you can use:

• Come late and leave early
• Let people know that you don’t want to talk about your situation

Rehearse an answer if you get questions you can’t bear to answer

Create a Support Team
Who could help you through this tough period? Specific friends, family members, your partner or a professional who can be there to listen, cheer you up and support you when needed.

Choose these people with your heart, don’t be afraid to ask and be clear about what you need from them. Setting expectations is worth its weight in gold to and will make the support as good as possible. For example, it could be saying “I’m going to have to talk about this 100 times over”, “I need to cry” or “I need encouragement”.

Prepare yourself
You will end up in situations that are emotionally difficult. Prepare by:

• Deciding who you tell what. For example, you may tell some people everything, others only bits and bobs, and some people nothing at all. If it makes it easier for you, you can write these people down in a list on your notes app so you don’t forget this. Reminding yourself can be important so that you both stand up for what feels best for you, but also don’t forget to talk to people you trust and want support from.
• Prepare what to say in response to certain questions or situations so you don’t get caught off guard and emotional if/when you don’t want to.

Prepare what to do if you end up in a situation or in a context you don’t feel OK in, such as sneaking away to the bathroom and calling one of your support people.

Mark what you have lost
A miscarriage is not only a lost pregnancy but also the loss of a long-awaited version of the future. A loss of hope and dreams. To mark this, a ceremony or ritual may be helpful. For example, you could plant a plant or tree, light a candle or write a letter to your child. It doesn’t matter whether it is a big or small gesture – as long as it feels right for you.

Disconnect from social media
Does it feel hard to see children, pregnancies and families in your daily feed? Take a break! At the same time, think about what you could do with that time instead, what would do you good in this period of your life. What do you need right now to feel a little better? Put yourself in focus!

Become a self-care queen
After a miscarriage, it’s important to be kind to yourself and really give yourself the time, care, and love you need to heal. Think about what makes you feel good. It could be a walk in the forest, a nice massage, a long bath, binge-watching a great series on the sofa or meeting a friend?

Release your emotions
It is completely normal to feel angry, disappointed, sad and despondent about your lost pregnancy and the baby that was to come. And it is perfectly normal to be jealous, tired and angry at both friends and people around you who are pregnant and have children. So don’t punish yourself! You are not a bad person for feeling that way. On the contrary, it makes you human.

If you can accept that these feelings are here and allow yourself to feel what you actually feel and release what needs to be released, it will be easier to move forward. You won’t feel like this forever! If it feels too tough to cope on your own, there is help from coaches, psychologists, therapists and various communities.

Go away
Is there a big holiday coming up that you’re struggling to get through right now? Why not skip it this year? Go away with your partner or a friend and do something completely different from what you already had planned.

Contact your clinic
If you are in treatment or have previously sought help for repeated miscarriages, contact your doctor to talk about what has happened. Is it possible to find a cause? Is there anything that needs further investigation to avoid more miscarriages?

Look forward
What do you want to do now? Everyone is faced with that question eventually. Take a closer look… what is your gut telling you? Take your time if you are unsure. Do you want to try again right away, do you need to rest and heal, do you need a consultation to find out what the next step is or could it be that you actually don’t want to get pregnant anymore? Once you have landed on what you feel most strongly about, you can make a plan for your next step.