As a result of her endometriosis, Adéle had to undergo IVF. We interviewed her about the emotional journey to starting a family.

Hi Adéle, would you like to tell us a little about yourself and your family?
Hi, my name is Adéle and I am 32 years old and studying to become a sociologist. I live in Stockholm with my husband Gustaf and my son Noel, who turns 3 this autumn.

When did you start to suspect something was wrong with your menstrual cycle?
I began to suspect that something was wrong after I switched to non-hormonal birth control, the copper IUD. I started having strange pains deep in my abdomen that I hadn’t had before. I sought help but everything looked fine, but I felt worse as time went on. I had ovulation and period pains that prevented me from doing my work and made me bedridden some days of the month.

You were finally diagnosed with endometriosis, what was your first thought?
My first thought was probably relief. I had been seeking help for over five years for my problems, and, eventually, you start to question whether you are making it up or not. Now I finally had an answer to what was wrong and someone listened to me and took me seriously.

In what way has the diagnosis affected you?
Because it took me so long to get the right help, I now have chronic pain, meaning I am in pain daily. My endometriosis has affected me in many ways, partly physically as I have several symptoms such as pain in my abdomen and back as well as nausea and extreme fatigue and so on. These symptoms also affect you mentally. It affects you in that you have to cancel things you want to do, or that you can’t work the way you want. So it affects your whole life in different ways.

What was the journey like after you found out about your diagnosis?
I had surgery for endometriosis and after that we tried to find a treatment that made me pain free. As I was still in pain, we got to the point where the next step in the treatment was to put me into chemical menopause. Instead, we decided that we wanted to try to get pregnant. We both knew we wanted children and I was stressed about even being able to get pregnant, as endometriosis can affect fertility. We started trying on our own but I was in contact with my doctor in the meantime to see how my endometriosis was going.

How was your IVF journey?
After the referral had been sent, we received an invitation to the clinic about two weeks later. A fertility test was carried out on both of us. This includes both a psychosocial test as well as checking the quality of our sperm and eggs and how they look physically. Once the clinic decided that we could do IVF, a request was sent to get it financed by the county council. After a little over a month, everything was ready and we were approved to do IVF and have it financed by the county council.

We did something called a short protocol, where I started taking shots when I got my period to stimulate ovulation. During this period, ultrasounds were done to see how I responded to the medications and to see how long I would have to take injections. I responded super-well to the treatment and produced a lot of follicles, and I was actually at risk of being overstimulated. This meant that the eight embryos we received were frozen and we had to wait a cycle to insert them. The oocyte collection was extremely painful for me. I was in a lot of pain beforehand and was given a full dose of morphine, but despite that I lay screaming in pain. We then made a total of seven deposits.

Four in the unstimulated cycle and then three when they gave me meds to try to get it to stick. I got pregnant on the fifth try, but had a miscarriage that ended in curettage. With the last embryo we had left in the freezer, we got pregnant, and the pregnancy went all the way and resulted in our son.

Do all IVF journeys look the same?
No, there are different medications and different approaches that can be used. It depends on the circumstances of the couple who wants to get pregnant.

Have you been affected psychologically by your journey?
Yes, absolutely. It has been tough flitting between hope and despair. There were days when I didn’t get out of bed because I couldn’t bear it. I’ve felt exhausted and depressed at times. I’ve probably used the strategy of breaking down and then getting back up and continuing to fight. But I’m stubborn and giving up was never an option!

So, it’s easy to understand that you were affected by this journey. Do you feel that you as a couple have also been affected?
Yes, we have. Going through this is like going through a crisis. We handle things differently and it has been difficult to always be understanding of each other. But our strength has been that we talked a lot with each other. Gave each other support, but at the same time also space to feel things differently. Looking back now, I think it has strengthened our relationship, and I feel good that we can handle difficult things together.

After a successful IVF, you finally became pregnant. How was your delivery?
I was induced when I was two days overdue. I was at risk of getting pre-eclampsia so we induced the labour. We came in on Sunday evening, and on Wednesday Noel arrived after an emergency C-section. On paper, my labour was long and tough and I lost a lot of blood and Noel had a little trouble starting breathing. On the other hand, my experience was absolutely fantastic!

When the route to getting pregnant isn’t clear-cut – How do you approach the idea of siblings?
We are currently doing sibling trials. Siblings are something we want, if possible. But today we are also humbled by the whole journey and what it entails. Our focus is, of course, on the health of our family as a whole, as well as for me with my endometriosis.

What kind of reaction have you received from friends and acquaintances?
Since day one we have been honest with our friends and family about what we are going through. For me it has been a way to process and deal with all the different emotions. We have received good support, and it has been nice to be able to share something that takes up so much of my time and thoughts.

Did you ever consider other ways to become parents? For example adoption?
Of course, the mind wanders to other options. However, it was never something we considered on a more serious level. We wanted to try to have biological children. If it hadn’t worked out, it’s fantastic that you can still become parents in other ways.

Do you have any recommendations for others struggling with fertility?
First, I would recommend being critical of where you get your information. There are many forums with tips and tricks that have no evidence. However, I think you can absolutely find support in forums on Facebook or Instagram, for example. If you search for IVF, a lot of stuff comes up.

Are you offered the help and support you need when going through an IVF journey?

Medical help absolutely, but if you think about mental support, it was not something that was offered automatically. At our clinic, there was access to a counsellor, but in such cases it was something that you had to contact them about based on your needs and you had to pay for it. I think that more support is needed when going through IVF, both for the person doing all the treatments but also for their partner, if they have one.