Pregnancy is the beginning of an emotional rollercoaster. On top of having to process all of our own feelings, we are often exposed to how other pregnant women feel. It might make you think about your emotional bond with your baby in your womb. Do you have to feel a certain way and do you need to bond with your baby before its birth?

It’s easy to think that you need to feel a special bond with your unborn baby, but you don’t actually need to feel a certain way before your baby is born. Our emotions cannot be controlled and there are no musts about how you are expected to bond with your unborn child. In this article, we answer the most frequently asked questions about bonding with your baby in the womb.

Do you have to have strong feelings for your baby before birth?
Let go of any demands or expectations of how you “should” feel about the baby in your belly and let it be exactly as it is. Remember that pregnancy comes with a huge surge of hormones that can make you feel many different emotions at the same time, and we can’t control how we feel.

Once you get to meet your baby, bonding will occur naturally, but it is perfectly normal for it to take time. The most important thing is not instant love, rather that your child is cared for, given love and comfort. The love that many people talk about that they feel towards their children usually develops over time the more you get to know each other.

What can I do to bond with my baby in the womb?
If you feel that you want and need to strengthen the bond with your unborn child, you can try to get to know your baby’s movement patterns and visualise who is hiding in there. Is it a calm baby or maybe a mischievous one? You can stroke the belly and talk to baby at a specific time each day to get a moment to both relax and bond.

As an exercise, you can fantasise and imagine your first days and weeks together. You can take out a notebook and write down what a day with your baby might look like if you’re allowed to dream. Visualise the activities but also the feelings that arise: when do you wake up and what do you do during the day? How do you think it will feel when dressing and undressing, bathing the baby in the tub or feeding them? Write down everything you come up with – the only limit is your imagination.

Can you be emotionally prepared for parenthood?
You can prepare in many ways by reading information, tidying your home or making any necessary purchases. But the emotional preparation is not something you can control.

For some, it may feel good to prepare for the first days and weeks after childbirth by listening to the stories of other mothers. For others, it feels better to minimise outside influences. Think about what you need in order to prepare yourself in the way that suits you best.